Note: I thought it would be safe to mention it before you read the article and think I'm those adjectives that end with an 'est' (read on). I know 99% of the time, 99% of my life is like that, the rest 1% being the me that you see. The me that acts as a rational human. (if that's what it seems anyway). I'm not going to spoil it for me by admitting it to you. So listen, whatever is written was spontaneous, straight out of my head. Imaginary. Exaggeration. You must make sure you think always, ALWAYS and know that I'm actually really awesome! ;)
Promise? Okay! Here you go!
I'm sure I've never been more positive about anything in life. It's a fact that cannot be altered- I'm the dumbest stupidest mentalest moronest idioticest and all other similar adjectives with an 'est' (I know they don't exist. But now they do. I've invented them) thing God ever thought of making. I'm not even sure God thought of it at all. Maybe I got out of some clumsy recycling taking place up there. Who knows. But certainly I can't be normal.
Nobody can be SO prone to the most stupidest, etc (read above) things that can ever happen to a human being. (If that's what I am. Maybe I'm an alien from a lousy planet who forgot she's not part of this clan, but was so dumb she didn't realize it before).
It would turn out as huge paragraphs, so I'm jotting down the idiotic stuff as points. (Here you go. Nobody ever heard of a nice piece of article in points. But I'm doing it, as always).
1. Prone to accidents.
Numerous instances can justify that. I'm not talking about the time when I was playing blindfolds with my brother and smashed my head straight into a wall, resulting in painful stitches (yes, even blindfolded, I was practically running!), or all the times I've stepped foot in the kitchen and came out either smashing down a cup, pouring hot food all over the floor because I had tried to pick up the pan with my bare hands(it doesn't register in my head that pan off the stove would be hot, never ever!) or making the utensil rack fall (I just touched it, I swear!). No, I'm talking about the times when I've stepped numerous times on my friends' foot/slipper, making them fall, tripped over practically flat pieces of land (at least there should be something), or making myself so available to cosco balls (thank God never leather ones, yet) who find their way to me even when I'm a kilometer away. I mean, that's just not fair. And this is just the first point! :(
2. Missing all the best SALE offers.
I’m only a student, living on an infinitesimal pocket money, since, well, I’m a student and haven’t started work for a living yet (not that I’m too lazy). So I keep my eyes and ears open for a hint of a sale in any of my favorite stores. Believe me, I scan the papers and learn via word of mouth, any sale and that feeling of want inflates and I end up spending my hard saved pocket money. It wouldn’t be too bad, except for the fact that I find out much better sale offers, with much better merchandise, that could have made my hopeless wardrobe much better, AFTER I’ve spent my money.
The biggest example could be the bag I bought a couple of days back. I had been looking out for a sale on the brand since forever and when it came up, I made my bestie spend an entire day with me to help search for one, traveling to another part of the city. It wasn’t even my color-red! I got it anyway just because I wanted one. The next day I noticed a shop with the same brand of bags, with the same Sale offer but with much much better designs! I felt a sharp twinge of pain in my heart and felt anger bubbling up. You know why? BECAUSE THAT SHOP’S TWO BUILDINGS DOWN FROM WHERE I’M WORKING!!!! Doing internship, I mean. I must be a downright head case not to notice the shop before. NOW you know what I mean.
3. Hitting realization a little bit too late.
My friends realize that our plans aren’t going to work out and would result in weird consequences and hence, they don’t do anything of the sort. I realize the same stuff too, just when I’ve already done the dumb stuff and the aforementioned weird consequences are only an inch away! All of us know that the girl who just passed us had the funniest hairdo ever, but I’m the only one who can’t resist the temptation to say it out loud, which results in that dangerous looking girl look back and stare at me as if it’s my fault, which later results in reprimands from my friends. Why? WHY WHY am I seriously incapable of keeping my big wide mouth (that shows all 32 teeth when I laugh) shut? Why do I realize that the Metro I just conveniently missed is the one that would take me to my destination and won't be coming for another 20 minutes! Why after throwing part of it in the bin I realize it's the gum I've thrown and not the wrapper? WHY???
4. The Metro victim.
Before you start on how I'm obsessed with the Metro, bringing it up in almost every post, let me tell you I'm not. It's just a part of my daily life, where I practically make my life decisions- but with so much pain! I can conveniently be called a Metro victim. It's always been my foot, with my beautiful shoes that get trampled on by every old, middle or young lady (I travel in the women coupe). The kids don't leave it alone either, so by the time I reach my destination, my shiny shoes have various sole prints on them! Also, it's always been my seat (if ever I get one) that's the first to be vacated because an old lady comes directly to me. It's been me all those million times when I missed my station because I was engrossed in a book. (I almost missed my exam once, like this :o )
And there's much more. Loads more. However, I realized (I hope it's not a little too late) that the post's become rather long. I'll continue with more points in the next post.
PS- Re-reading the article, I noticed that it's too negative. So before you smart people start thinking I'm some distant relative of a retarded seal, let me tell you I'll be coming up with a post soon that will make you look like a retarded seal itself. Watch it!